Dawn 2013: People's Interpretations of the Hopi, Maya, Biblical, and Nostradamian predictions were just a bit off...

...but not that far off.

There WAS a massive earthquake in 2012, but it didn't create tsunami's, it brought down some buildings and shook the Hell out of everyone out West around California. There were some monster flash floods out in Arizona because of all the moisture in the air due to global climate change. The Hopi actually DID wake up one morning and see water out their front doors, and it even lasted a few days. There were a couple more really nasty oil spills. No asteroid strikes, although for that, it's a matter of time. But the "blue star appearing and striking the Earth?" That's the Galactic Death Ray, Tinfoil Slaves. Looking up into the sky, it appears as a brilliant blue light at the peak of night. It's definitely striking the Earth, and it's definitely kicked Humanity in the collective ass. Millions of people tried to guess, but only the Odyssey got it right, and a few others who originated the Death Ray theory.

Great for them, crap for billions. You can't burn enough candles to memorialize them all, so forget it. Save the candles for the King on August 16th, or exploring the bat caves. I can tell you though, come December, people are going to wake up crying. They did that for weeks after, and anniversaries tend to bring it all back in spirit. How do you live a decent life when your whole freaking planet is haunted? I can't imagine what Halloween is going to be like, because if it's the time of thinning between this world and the next, we're vastly out-numbered.

I can tell you one lucky thing that came out of all this, however. There's no bigots left. When there's so few people left, you can't afford to be picky-nasty about who you hang with, or you hang alone and go crazy.

Part of the reason I write this little journal of satirical survival is so that we don't forget and we don't blow our second chance as a species. We have to get to the point where we live self-sufficiently on many places other than this one little rock. After all, Nostradamus only gives until the year 3737 before a big rock hits and blows the Earth to smithereens. Somehow, I doubt tinfoil will save us from that one, but you never know. I'm going to teach my kids, if I have any, to ALWAYS keep a few rolls on hand, and to build space colonies.

So, back to the predictions that missed the mark by inches. Here's a few things that people were saying in the years just before the Death Ray:














Brad Wonder out.