Dawn 2013: Did You Know The Earth Was Almost Taken Over By Aliens?

A couple of days ago, we spotted what we thought was a dwarf running down the beach carrying a goldfoil suit. Any idiot knows that a goldfoil suit will only protect you from the Galactic Death Ray for six hours, not the requisite twelve. So we ran out to make sure the fool dwarf didn't get itself Rayburned when night fell, which was only a couple of hours away. (Ok, I was out with the tinfoil shack-hogging J. Cusak. Sue me, we have to work together sometimes.)

We finally caught up with the little turkey about half an hour's walk from the very same tinfoil shack about fifteen minutes before Rayrise. Only it wasn't a dwarf. It was a God-help-me-believe-my-eyes Ferenghi. You know. Star Trek. Deep Space Nine. Next Generation. Eewmoks and gold-pressed latinum and Grand Nagus-phobic. And clutching a half-useless goldfoil suit.

At first we couldn't believe our eyes. What the Hell was a dwarf doing out here in a Ferenghi costume? Then we realized it wasn't a costume, and we really freaked out. What the Hell? At any rate, there was no time left before Rayrise. We started scrambling into our tinfoil suits, and the Ferenghi started scrambling into his goldfoil. Not a moment to spare, as " Shack" Cusak's suit got a green-glow edge as he was putting the last bit on. What was weird was, the Ferenghi's goldfoil suit was glowing a wicked red around the edges. Well, weird added onto weirder. There was still a 1990's Star Trek alien standing in front of us.

" Hey, Ferenghi - what are you doing here?" I asked. "And don't you know goldfoil is only safe for six hours? You need twelve." The Ferenghi looked at me in that same glowering way I remembered from TNG. "I will worry about my own suit, Hu-mon." "I am here trying to survive the night, just like you. Maybe there is a rock nearby I can crawl under - hopefully with gold under it." "Well, there's a tinfoil shack half an hour's walk from here," I said. "We can duck in there and sort out the issue, or you can go crawl under a rock. Your pick." "The rocks here are only fool's gold anyway," said the Ferenghi. I will spend the night in your shack, but I'm not paying you anything for it!"

Go figure, we now had an alien helping to hog the shack. We all started walking. Somehow, the mix of green and red glow didn't feel anything like Christmas.


Brad Wonder out.